Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
