I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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