I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Randomize
