She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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