2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I bet he comes in French.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
