Betty ford says i'm here all night
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
