Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
