Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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