Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
