This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
