The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
