Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
