someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
