Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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