Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
