Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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