Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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