She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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