my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
