Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
