its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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