This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
you never un-have a 4some
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
