Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
