it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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