Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
