I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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