Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I pour the whiskey from now on
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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