I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
