She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
40s are totally the cure
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
