If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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