I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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