Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We got so high we made milksteak
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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