Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
