maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
