Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
