handjob tips. give me some.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
