You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
