His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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