Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
