I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
