i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
