He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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