it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
ok first of all what the fuck
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
