1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
