As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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