I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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