You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
