When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
