Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
