Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
