he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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