Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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