i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
