yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
