grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
