I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
