This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
